The Contest

short poetry, words move, smoking gif

The man is pressed into the lime green decor,
This bar is known for.

Four cones of orange light form,
Four distinct pools,
On the blue formica counter.

There is music playing and he,
Taps his foot methodically,
On the porous brown floor.

I am taken by the hair on his arms,
Down to his knuckles,
Dark and thick.

The barman glances at the silver case,
The man pulls his cigarettes from.

I am aware of a pulsing at my throat.

Two women,
One carrying a large important handbag,
The other,
A Japanese fan,
Conquer the purple leather bar-stools,
On either side of him.

We are at war.

Due to irregular patterns on my Hawaiian shirt,
It is not clear which way this will go.


image – twilightwap.com♦ linux hosting

evocative short poetry – words move

Advertisements

21 thoughts on “The Contest

  1. Impressive blog and love every post!!!

    • kolembo says:

      Oh you found my other place!
      Ah, it was inspired! Now it’s more difficult to write but I think that’s the thing with poetry. I hope I get some new stuff soon! I enjoy going through your blog too – I find something new everytime…different things…always something to think about, or to enjoy!

  2. Descriptive piece and I love that ending. Well done.

    Pamela

  3. JulesPaige says:

    Love, love, love the last verse! Your humor has put a smile on my face this morning…off to visit your short verse.

  4. Steve Isaak says:

    Great, tight description; fun atypical/ably break the rhythm end-lines.

  5. Kavita says:

    Oh maaannn.. this was SUPERB!! I love drama and suspense… and this was full of both!!
    Whhheewww!! Played like movie scene in my head…

    TOO GOOD A ONE SHOT!!!

  6. dustus says:

    Vivid and suspenseful. Great, almost nervous tone, especially in the beginning repetition of for, Four, …Four—like stuttering. Excellent.

  7. Sulthana says:

    Hehehe, made me laugh. I like the focus labelling all the different colours, makes it more vivid.

  8. brian miller says:

    best of luck in that battle…maybe they go for the hang loose kinda guy…but watch out for that arm hair…

  9. jenneandrews says:

    Very cool! Thanks for posting this. xxJenne’

  10. Graham Nunn says:

    this curls like smoke kolembo… i can hear the jazz playing in the bar.

  11. Olivia says:

    Very very clever indeed..
    I had almost started to see the movie in my mind like one of the classics.. 🙂

    Very well written.. Impressive indeed..

    Hugs xx

  12. penpusherpen says:

    Just staring at the ‘Liquid smoke’ . mesmerising,
    and I love the ‘conquer the bar stool,’ …sometimes I’ve slipped whilst trying to look chic and cool, and ended up red faced, almost looking the fool!! 😉
    May I say, you paint pictures in the mind with just the minimum of words…A talent in itself…A great talent I’d say.
    and many thanks for your comment on ‘Gil’ you made my day..xPenx

  13. Catalyst says:

    Thank you. I enjoyed this very much!

    I am glad we rubbed shoulders in the sea that is WordPress!

    Carry on!

    ~Cat

  14. dhaami says:

    Very intriguing scene! I imagined glamorous women dressed dapper in 1920s style and a man in a suit and hat..

  15. Ditto all of the above … and it does read like a movie, which is one of my favorite ways of writing poems. Enjoyed much. Your know, there’s even a little suggestion of noir. Lovley. Original. Like the shirt thing…

  16. Chris G. says:

    Very descriptive and interesting scene-poem…I quite agree with Marian, one can certainly slip right into that bar next to you. Curious interaction of subjects…”We are at war,” was the rising point, the crescendo that made me tingle with intrigue. Quite enjoyable.

    Suggestion, though. One is a flow thing: remember, you don’t need a comma after every line. Some just keep flowing, the comma just breaks of the pace, makes it seem a little choppy in a few of your lines. In the same flow vein I would say, change places with brown and porous, making it “porous brown floor.” I know, same two words, just changing one place, but to me, it sounds better. Rolls off the tongue more easily. Lastly, I would eliminate the and, and put a period after “Cigarettes from.” Make “I am aware of a pulsing at my throat” a truly stand alone line. Empowers it.

    But those are all just my little opinions. Great piece all around!

  17. lazfreedman says:

    Just a great movie, all in a poem!
    Thanks, loved this one
    Peace,
    Laz

  18. Marian says:

    oh i love i love i love this!
    i am right there at the bar with you.
    maybe even in a contest with you.
    though neither handbags nor fans are really my thing. 😉

Hey, leave a comment here!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s